Sibling Rivalry

Long, long ago twin boys were born to Rebecca and Isaac. The older one, Esau, was loved by his father, and the younger one, Jacob, was loved by his mother. Esau was a country boy who preferred hunting out in the open spaces. Jacob just liked to stay at home with his mother. One day Esau came home famished, needing something to eat. Jacob had cooked some delicious stew. Esau said, “Give me a bowl of you stew before I starve to death.” The cunning Jacob replied, “Certainly, but you must give me your birthright!” Esau agreed since he figured the birthright would be no good to him if he died. This was not a smart move on Esau’s part. The birthright was extremely important, and he showed no regard for it. Nor was Jacob’s part in this deal a good thing.

Later the boy’s mother, Rebecca, helped Jacob pull off another deed to take something very special from Esau. They conspired to deceive Isaac by getting him to unknowingly give Jacob the blessing that was rightfully Esau’s. Of course there is more to this transaction. It was God’s plan all along for Jacob to receive the oldest son’s blessing which meant that Jacob would be the recipient of God’s promises through Abraham. But the immediate result was that Jacob had to leave home because he feared what Esau would do to him. Esau hated Jacob, and the brothers were alienated from each other.

What a tragic story. But this kind of thing is played out within families every day. Over the years I have known of many situations in which siblings have had a falling out and never speak to each other again. There are too many reasons for this kind of thing to mention, but the common thread is that one, both or a number of family bystanders are behaving childishly. I don’t care what the reason for the conflict there is no godly reason for siblings, parents, or relatives to hold on to animosity toward another in the family. Who is to fault? Everybody! I’ve seen a spouse hold a grudge toward their mates sibling. Most often they will take their mates side and reject their brother or sister having no contact with them whatsoever.

There is a solution to this kind of problem. Forgiveness! Act like an adult and do the right thing. There is no place for childish behavior in an adult world. You can quote me on that. Esau hated Jacob, and Jacob feared Esau. But finally, after many years Jacob decided to leave his father-in-laws land and go to his home where Esau was. He took his wives, his children, his servants and his livestock and started the journey to meet his brother. After traveling a great distance he was afraid when he got word that Esau was coming his way with 400 men. Jacob rounded up hundreds of his goats, cows, bulls, donkeys, and camels to offer Esau when they met.

When the brothers got in sight of each other after all those many years Jacob was surprised by what Esau did. Esau ran to Jacob and threw his arms around him and kissed him. Both brothers cried. Undoubtedly, Esau had forgiven his brother. You know what Jacob said to Esau? This is so neat! He said, “Brother, to see your face is like seeing the face of God, now that you have received me favorably.” Isn’t that great?

I think that deep down this is the kind of reunion that every sibling desires. This is what should happen. Get rid of pride. Spouses don’t exasperate the problem; don’t be the source of the problem. Refuse to be the childish source in the conflict. Be an agent of reconciliation. Every troubled relationship can come to a good conclusion. I would hate it if my brother and I were at odds with each other. I didn’t want him when he was born and didn’t like him much for many years, but now I don’t know what I would do without him. Please don’t tell him that I said this!