Man Purse

I wonder how many of you ladies have bought a new purse, and when you began using it discovered that it wasn’t going to be what you thought it would be? Does that ever happen? I made a purchase of something a bit like a purse a couple of years ago for a specific purpose that was definitely not what I had expected. This thing turned out to be a curse, an item of frustration and embarrassment, not just for me, but also for my wife. Sherri teased me about getting a man purse. Although it is not really a man purse, that is what we have come to call it.

I bought it at that large knife store just off the interstate at Sevierville, Tennessee. It has 6 zippers with 8 or 9 compartments. I guess I should have known that I would be in a constant state of confusion trying to figure out which pocket, compartment or pocket I put things. The first time I used it was at a religious conference. Everyone was sitting at tables. Sherri and I were near the front and in the center of the conference hall. People were all around us. In my “man purse” I had ink pens, a highlighter, two bottles of water, my phone, a small notebook, a Bible, and a few other things I really didn’t need. Whenever I get something that I consider to be an organizational aid I tend to over do its intended purpose. That thing was stuffed.

The speaker began by telling us to turn to his chosen Bible text, and to take out our notes. Of course I needed an ink pen. The first thing I had to do was get rid of the two bottles of water which were in the way. The weird thing was that I don’t ever take water with me, anywhere! I began to unzip my, “man purse” to remove the water. Consider now that zipping sound.  When there is a quiet environment that sound is deafening. Sherri punched me giving me that look. I placed the water on the table. My ink pens were in one of the compartments where the water had been. I tried to quietly unzip the one where I thought I had put the pens; there was that noise again, only not as long. As my luck would have it the pens were not in that pocket, just tissues which I never carry with me.

I don’t know why I did it, but I zipped the penless pocket back. Then I unzipped the other pocket where I had put the pens. Sherri was about ready to get up and leave. I still needed my small notepad. I wasn't sure where I had put it. There were two choices. Did I pick the right one? Of course not! There was another zipping episode. I was afraid to look at Sherri or anyone else for that matter.

I can imagine how well I would do on the Price Is Right if I were the contestant who had to pick one of three doors to win the grand prize. As quietly and slowly as I could I unzipped compartment number two. There was my notepad. Relieved that I had finally gotten everything I needed I took my “man purse” and placed it over by my water bottles. That stupid “man purse” hit one of those bottles, causing it to carom off the other one. It  rolled off the table and onto the floor making a big water bottle splat. I hate to even guess what those sitting near me must have thought. Unfortunately, I knew what Sherri thought.

Luckily Sherri didn’t leave me. Later she was able to find some humor in what had happened with my man purse. I didn’t use that thing again until we went to Kentucky after Christmas. I also took it to Orlando on our recent trip to Universal Studios. I carry my toiletries in it now. You won’t believe how much stuff I can put in that thing. It works pretty well as long as I’m not rushed to find something, and if there are no noise restrictions.